By the time Tommy woke up, it was morning. The Phantom sneered at Tommy. '' You shall get Breakfast before thrown to the sea, ha ha! '' Said The Phantom. Tommy was pale, very pale. He had not eaten for THREE days. He looked up, then down. It was really a ship sailing near the seas. He grabbed the oatmeal and stuffed his mouth with milk strawberries. He was in a deep hunger pang. The Phantom lashed out his sword, poked it into Tommy's tummy before throwing Tommy to the sea.
When Tommy woke up, the ward was filled with people. He was first found by a fisherman and was saved in time. He flung his arms at the air and jumped down from the bed before anyone could stop him.
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2 comments:
from the viewpoint of a teacher, this piece is well-written with good phrases used. The feelings of the characters could be felt by the readers. Well done.
Some grammar errors though. Quick, go and edit them. I think you need to 'break' the passage into shorter paragraphs too.
chocalate chip. TWO.
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